A lot of times I hear from people that their dog isn’t social, so there must be something wrong with them, right? They didn’t socialize them young enough, they didn’t train enough, they didn’t try hard enough, they didn’t… The list could go on and on and on. Just because your dog isn’t social doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with either of you.
Dogs that don’t like other dogs are perfectly normal. We live in a society where people like dog parks and they like having a dog be the life of the party. So we feel bad when we can’t join in on those things. But in reality, that doesn’t truly represent animal behavior. Dogs usually feel most comfortable when they’re with their own group, the people and dogs that they spend most of their time with. There’s structure, there’s routine, there’s accountability, there’s someone that they know how to play with, and someone that they can trust to keep them safe when things get uncomfortable. The truly social dogs that can get along with anyone and everyone are not the norm, they are the exception.
So when I hear people say their dog isn’t social, with worry in their voice, we tend to have this conversation:
Me: “That’s perfectly fine. Your dog doesn’t have to like everyone.”
And they respond with, “Are you sure? All of my friends’ dogs like each other, but he gets annoyed when they try to play with him.”
Me: “Yes, I’m sure. It’s no different than you not wanting to be best buddies with every person you pass on the street. His personality just doesn’t like playing with other dogs, and that’s OK.”
Them: “Oh my gosh. This is such a relief. I thought there was something wrong with us.”
And that, my friends, is the problem. There’s nothing wrong with you, and there’s nothing wrong with your dog. Stop holding yourselves to unrealistic standards and start enjoying the unique dog in front of you.
What I would much rather see is a dog that is confident in social situations, but that can relax and remain neutral in the presence of other dogs. I don’t want your dog to get overly excited when it sees other dogs, pulling on its leash to go say hi to everyone else, forgetting that you’re even there. What’s better than having the dog that’s the life of the party? Having the dog that can be around other people and other dogs, but knows how to stay calm and relaxed. Because THAT is the dog that you are going to be able to take everywhere with confidence.
There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with your dog. You just need to shift your expectations.